Hello readers.....all five of you...one of you being my dad. haha
It is 3 weeks into 2016 and I am here to update you on how I've been doing with my goals, life, health, and all.
Mental Health
Well, it turns out it is quite a process to get a therapist and psychiatrist around here. Every week is the same; A phone call with a reference, then I wait, and get another call with another reference, and I wait again. I am finally meeting my psychiatrist today and am still waiting to schedule an appointment with a therapist. Lately I've been feeling like seeing a psychiatrist isn't necessary since things have been so good for a while, but then I remember what I am capable of and where my mind and life go sometimes. I will do anything to keep from those dark days coming back. Therefore, I am going to see the psychiatrist and move forward with figuring out if antidepressants are necessary or if I should go a different route.
I know one of my other goals for my mental health was to read a new book every month. This is definitely harder than I thought it would be. I have a great book picked out for this month, "May Cause Miracles" by Gabrielle Bernstein. I was really excited to read it and to use it as a tool in my life. As it turns out, I need to learn to choose to read over watch tv. I am pretty busy with other things and by the time I'm in bed and "should" read, I really just want to turn the tv on and pass out. I do tend to read more on the weekends. This is mostly because I have implemented a "no tv" rule for my weekend mornings. The tv is only allowed on right as I am going to bed, or to watch a movie with my boyfriend. This new rule has changed my weekends drastically. I used to turn it on as soon as I woke up and would lay in bed for hours doing nothing productive. Now, my Saturday morning consists of waking up, making a cup of tea, and reading my book on my back porch. It is a really wonderful time for me. I am happy with the progress that I am making with my mental health this month. I feel stronger and more aware of so much more in my life. I'm not scared of my depression and anxiety. I feel more prepared for it. I am looking forward to see how much progress I make this year.
Physical Health
Oh boy, I am loving my health and fitness life right now. I started a new program on Monday called the 21 Day Fix by Beachbody, and it is pretty cool. Basically, it comes with workouts for everyday, these really cool color coded food containers to measure your intake with, and Shakeology (which I have yet to try since it hasn't come in the mail yet). I don't have the containers either, but I looked at the guidelines and have been trying to follow along without them. I have cooked every meal I have eaten, taken out most dairy (besides greek yogurt and almond milk), most processed carbs (besides whole wheat bread and tortilla), and am drinking SO MUCH WATER. I have been doing this for 3 days and already feel better physically and mentally. My skin is glowing, my body is less bloated, and I have a lot more energy through out my day. I have also been off soda for 3 weeks, which is insane for me! I am a huge soda addict and the fact that I have gone 21 days without it is so motivating. I know I can go the rest of my life without it. I know that won't happen, but its nice to know that I can go long amounts of time without it. Much better than 3-4 a day. I am also going strong in my sobriety, 333 days today! I CANNOT believe I am almost at a year!!! That is absolutely the craziest thing I have ever accomplished, ever. I know 100% that I can go the rest of my life without alcohol, and I plan to. I am so excited to plan a birthday/sobriety birthday party next month. I will have all of my friends with me celebrating this awesome accomplishment. Along with all of the great things happening, I am also free of cigarettes, which is another amazing accomplishment. Those I am absolutely addicted to and can't believe its been almost a year for that as well.
I am feeling extremely proud of myself this month for all the things I have succeeded at so far. And its only been 3 weeks! Imagine how much more I will do in the next 11 months!
Relationships
Being intentional with my relationships has been such a blessing in my life. I am so thankful for the people in my life and the relationships I have with them. I have spent many evenings with friends having great conversation, learning about each other, giving awesome advice, and getting lots of encouragement. Just these past three weeks I have had coffee dates, lunch dates, beach dates, all day dates, and workout sessions with different friends. It has been a great reminder of the love that surrounds me daily. My relationship with my boyfriend has been growing as well. It's always hard when he starts a new semester of grad school. He doesn't have much time for anything else but I understand that and try to be as supportive as possible. We see each other on the weekends and try to spend as much time doing things that we love and spend quality time together. I am so thankful, every damn day, for this man. He brings something new to my life; a new perspective, a new way of doing life, a new way of thinking. He just amazes me. (I hope he's reading this and understands how amazing he is and how thankful I am). :]
I have also tried to spend more time with my family. I have stopped by my sister in law's house to see her and the kids a couple of times the past few weeks, and I have been out to lunch with my parents a couple of times. Its a little harder to see them with our busy schedules and the distance. But we make it work and its totally working. I feel closer to them already.
Education/ Career
This aspect of my life changes all the time, thats why its so hard to really set goals since I change my mind all the time. I definitely want to finish school, but that won't happen until next fall, so I am just waiting until them to focus on getting into school and figuring out what I am going to study. As for the personal training, I have changed my mind. If that happens for me without forcing then of course I will go with it, but I felt that I was forcing something that wasn't supposed to happen for me yet. So I stopped focusing on it and new babysitting jobs fell into my lap. I am focusing on where I am now, and thats nannying. I absolutely love my job and would do it every day of my life is thats the way it goes for me. I plan on finding a new nanny job when this one ends in June but my location will be changing. (more on that later). I am really happy with being content with my current situation. I have my financial struggles, but I am taking those one step at a time as well. Money is the weirdest, most frustrating thing in life. I hate and love it. I want to give it away, but never have enough. I want it but don't want the power it brings. Its an addiction. I will focus on my financial situation in another post.
So thats my January so far. Pretty great things happening in my life. I am so thankful for everything that has been going on and will continue to happen. I am falling in love with my life one day at a time. I am learning to love every little bit, the good, the bad, and the really ugly.
Have a wonderful week,
Candidly, Candace
Thursday, January 21, 2016
Thursday, January 7, 2016
Rain Rain Go Away....
....but really, please don't.
Hello Friends!
After I posted my first post I did really well at sticking to my plans, my healthy lifestyle plans.....for a day. I ate healthy meals, walked my dog to the beach, and even worked out. I was feeling satisfied and pretty happy with myself. Then, El Nino hit. It has been raining for 3 days straight. For Southern California that is almost considered a state of emergency. I was so thrown off. Not only physically but mentally as well. I went from being excited to eat my delicious quinoa and cucumber salad, to binge eating Cheetos, ice cream, and cereal. I have done no physical activity and have spent most of my time in bed watching Netflix. I was starting to feel pretty shitty about myself. I started talking down to myself about not even lasting a week with my goals for the year. I almost, ALMOST, fell into another depression episode.
Luckily, I made plans with a friend to meet for coffee last night (sticking to those Relationship goals). What's really interesting to me is that I didn't feel the need to talk about my issues, I was there to listen to her and somehow through that I felt so much better about myself. I think it was because, even though I haven't stuck to my physical goals for this week, I did succeed at accomplishing a relationship goal. She really needed a friend to listen to her and be honest with her, and I was that friend. When I got home (way past my bed time), she text me thanking me for being my "completely wonderful and beautiful and insightful self". Those words right there are why I love my friends. They see me for WHO I am, not WHAT I am. If you ask any of my friends, I am usually a pretty good advice giver. I am honest in times that honesty is needed (not always wanted) but it is always in love.
Seeing those words and knowing that she is being so honest about how she sees me as a friend gave me such great happiness. I completely let go of the guilt I had been holding for the other aspects of my life. Its okay that I ate some Cheetos and ice cream. Its okay that I didn't walk my dog in the pouring rain (he's probably okay with that too). I forgive myself for being negative and mean to myself. One of the purposes of setting different types of goals for my year is so that I am well rounded. I didn't want to just focus on one part of my life. This week was a great example of the purpose of this. I was feeling down about "failing" at one part of my life but then I succeeded tremendously at another part. And now that I am posting another post on my blog I am succeeding at ANOTHER part of my life. Look at me go!! :]
My challenge to you is to look at all parts of your life, your physical health, your mental health, your relationships, and your career. Think about this week and see all the things you said you were going to do. All those things you said you would and never did. Now let it go, stop feeling bad, stop being down on yourself. You deserve so much better from yourself. You should be your biggest fan, your loudest cheerleader. Look at your life again, what DID you do? What did you accomplish? Even the smallest thing counts. Now, have a dance party!! Pat yourself on the back, say "well done!". You did it! You accomplished something and grew! It was hard for me to do this, but I did. I had a little party for myself.
Go and have a party for you! You deserve it!
Candidly, Candace
Hello Friends!
After I posted my first post I did really well at sticking to my plans, my healthy lifestyle plans.....for a day. I ate healthy meals, walked my dog to the beach, and even worked out. I was feeling satisfied and pretty happy with myself. Then, El Nino hit. It has been raining for 3 days straight. For Southern California that is almost considered a state of emergency. I was so thrown off. Not only physically but mentally as well. I went from being excited to eat my delicious quinoa and cucumber salad, to binge eating Cheetos, ice cream, and cereal. I have done no physical activity and have spent most of my time in bed watching Netflix. I was starting to feel pretty shitty about myself. I started talking down to myself about not even lasting a week with my goals for the year. I almost, ALMOST, fell into another depression episode.
Luckily, I made plans with a friend to meet for coffee last night (sticking to those Relationship goals). What's really interesting to me is that I didn't feel the need to talk about my issues, I was there to listen to her and somehow through that I felt so much better about myself. I think it was because, even though I haven't stuck to my physical goals for this week, I did succeed at accomplishing a relationship goal. She really needed a friend to listen to her and be honest with her, and I was that friend. When I got home (way past my bed time), she text me thanking me for being my "completely wonderful and beautiful and insightful self". Those words right there are why I love my friends. They see me for WHO I am, not WHAT I am. If you ask any of my friends, I am usually a pretty good advice giver. I am honest in times that honesty is needed (not always wanted) but it is always in love.
Seeing those words and knowing that she is being so honest about how she sees me as a friend gave me such great happiness. I completely let go of the guilt I had been holding for the other aspects of my life. Its okay that I ate some Cheetos and ice cream. Its okay that I didn't walk my dog in the pouring rain (he's probably okay with that too). I forgive myself for being negative and mean to myself. One of the purposes of setting different types of goals for my year is so that I am well rounded. I didn't want to just focus on one part of my life. This week was a great example of the purpose of this. I was feeling down about "failing" at one part of my life but then I succeeded tremendously at another part. And now that I am posting another post on my blog I am succeeding at ANOTHER part of my life. Look at me go!! :]
My challenge to you is to look at all parts of your life, your physical health, your mental health, your relationships, and your career. Think about this week and see all the things you said you were going to do. All those things you said you would and never did. Now let it go, stop feeling bad, stop being down on yourself. You deserve so much better from yourself. You should be your biggest fan, your loudest cheerleader. Look at your life again, what DID you do? What did you accomplish? Even the smallest thing counts. Now, have a dance party!! Pat yourself on the back, say "well done!". You did it! You accomplished something and grew! It was hard for me to do this, but I did. I had a little party for myself.
Go and have a party for you! You deserve it!
Candidly, Candace
Monday, January 4, 2016
2016: My Realistic Goals
Hello! Welcome to the new beginning of my old blog!
What a surprise! Here I am, starting up this blog AGAIN. It seems I never really stick to it for very long. Which is fine, as long as I keep coming back, right?...right. The problem is that lately I have been noticing this pattern in many aspects of my life. Which is so not okay. So, I have decided to set goals for this year to help me stick through things. Not resolutions, not deadline, and not unrealistic expectations for my life, I plan to set reachable, healthy goals. I have taken some time to think about how I want to approach my goal setting. I have broken them into categories: Mental Health, Physical Health, Relationships, Education/Career. Through each category you will learn my struggle with each and what I plan to do this year to change each one. Enjoy!
Mental Health
I have been on a pretty crazy journey the past year. Between going sober and dealing with my emotional issues head on, I have faced a few deep truths, one being that I suffer from bipolar depression. My therapist of, on again off again, 13 years has recently suggested I look into antidepressants. This is not the first time she has suggested this path for me. I was always extremely turned off by the idea of taking medication. But in the past year I have heard pretty miraculous stories about how antidepressants have changed people's lives. I have decided to be on board and move forward with seeing a psychiatrist and seeing if antidepressants is something that will help my life.
Goal #1- See a therapist/psychiatrist regularly and maintain a prescription for antidepressants
Goal #2- Journal/ Blog 3 times a week to help keep my mental and emotional health balanced
Goal #3- I will read a new book every month to maintain mental health and research different things I am interested in learning about
Physical Health
I am a woman in my mid 20s, so you know I have the battle of my waist line(physically and mentally). Although I try to maintain a healthy mental state when it comes to my physical appearance, I am not immune to unhealthy advertisements, unrealistic comparisons, and negative self thoughts. I am determined to stick to a HEALTHY lifestyle this year. Not a diet, not a quick fix plan, an actual healthy life plan. Here are the steps I have taken so far to make this work:
1. I have created a weekly meal plan. I am someone who enjoys repetition of things that I like, so I found a few foods that I like and made a meal plan for a week out of them. They are healthy choices but also satisfying. I will change it up when I get bored. Until then I will follow this plan and if things need some adjusting I have no problems with changing it here and there.
2. I have looked into many workout plans. Tone It up, Kayla Itsines, Ashy Bines, and a few others. (Love all of these women and programs) I took workouts that I enjoy and plan on doing them through out the week. I have never been able to stick to a 8- week plan or 12- week plan(like many of the plans previously mentioned), but I think if I create my own plan (no number of weeks needed) I will be more successful.
3. I have cut out soda. This is HUGE for me! I am so addicted to soda that I felt it was affecting my life. I had to give it up to see if it changed my mental and physical health (which I'm sure it will). This is an on going plan. No deadline, and no expectations. These are guidelines to help me succeed at maintaining a healthy physical lifestyle.
Goal #4- Stick to healthy meal plan with realistic expectations
Goal #5- Resistance training 2-3 days a week. Cardio 3 days a week. Rest 1-2 day a week.
Goal #6- Stay sober (NO alcohol, NO cigarettes, NO soda)
Relationships
This is one area that I feel really called to focus on this year. I have been in many relationships. They come and they go. Even my relationships with friends and family. They thrive in moments and not in others. This year I am going to bring so much more to the table in my relationships. I plan to have more coffee dates with my sister, write to my brother in Georgia, create more meaningful conversation with my eldest brother, remind my sister-in-law how much she deserves to be loved by others and herself, and take time to get to know my parents better. I will have deeper, meaningful conversations with friends. I will listen and learn from the love of my life. I will help our relationship grow physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. I will also let him take the reins when I know I cannot handle it all on my own. (AKA being less of a control freak). I will take time to create new friendships, and maybe even rekindle past friendships. I am really looking forward to what's in store for this area of my life. I have great feelings of growth and beauty heading my way.
Goal #7- Take time to listen and learn from the people in my life
Goal #8- Make plans with a friend/ family member 3 times a month
Education/ Career
My educational path has been full of dead ends and cliff edges that I have jumped off of. I tend to quit when things get hard. I am determined NOT to do that this year (or ever again). This year I will finish a complete semester of college as a full time student. I will complete all of the steps necessary to make this happen. I will be a good student. I will take notes, do my readings, study, and pass all of my tests. I will maintain focus and see all of the greatness in the things that I learn. Through this I will find a career path that is best for me. At the moment, I am unsure of where I want to go professionally. I am going to become a certified personal trainer and maintain a job in a gym while in school. Whether or not I go to school for physical health is unclear at this moment. But it is something that I enjoy and would really like to make a living doing. However, if I choose to take school in a different direction I can still keep that part of my life active with my job. I do not have to have the same focus on school and my job. I can enjoy multiple subjects and areas of my life.
Goal #9- Complete and pass one semester as a full time student
Goal #10- Become a CPT and maintain a job as a trainer
As you can see, I have thought pretty long and hard about my goals for this year. I hope you can find this system of breaking things down helpful. I will maintain this blog and keep you posted on my progress. Some posts will be just about my physical and mental health, or maybe it will include details on all aspects of my life. Im not 100% sure how I will run it, but one thing is for sure, I will be here with lots of thoughts through out this year.
Happy New Year!
Candidly, Candace
What a surprise! Here I am, starting up this blog AGAIN. It seems I never really stick to it for very long. Which is fine, as long as I keep coming back, right?...right. The problem is that lately I have been noticing this pattern in many aspects of my life. Which is so not okay. So, I have decided to set goals for this year to help me stick through things. Not resolutions, not deadline, and not unrealistic expectations for my life, I plan to set reachable, healthy goals. I have taken some time to think about how I want to approach my goal setting. I have broken them into categories: Mental Health, Physical Health, Relationships, Education/Career. Through each category you will learn my struggle with each and what I plan to do this year to change each one. Enjoy!
Mental Health
I have been on a pretty crazy journey the past year. Between going sober and dealing with my emotional issues head on, I have faced a few deep truths, one being that I suffer from bipolar depression. My therapist of, on again off again, 13 years has recently suggested I look into antidepressants. This is not the first time she has suggested this path for me. I was always extremely turned off by the idea of taking medication. But in the past year I have heard pretty miraculous stories about how antidepressants have changed people's lives. I have decided to be on board and move forward with seeing a psychiatrist and seeing if antidepressants is something that will help my life.
Goal #1- See a therapist/psychiatrist regularly and maintain a prescription for antidepressants
Goal #2- Journal/ Blog 3 times a week to help keep my mental and emotional health balanced
Goal #3- I will read a new book every month to maintain mental health and research different things I am interested in learning about
Physical Health
I am a woman in my mid 20s, so you know I have the battle of my waist line(physically and mentally). Although I try to maintain a healthy mental state when it comes to my physical appearance, I am not immune to unhealthy advertisements, unrealistic comparisons, and negative self thoughts. I am determined to stick to a HEALTHY lifestyle this year. Not a diet, not a quick fix plan, an actual healthy life plan. Here are the steps I have taken so far to make this work:
1. I have created a weekly meal plan. I am someone who enjoys repetition of things that I like, so I found a few foods that I like and made a meal plan for a week out of them. They are healthy choices but also satisfying. I will change it up when I get bored. Until then I will follow this plan and if things need some adjusting I have no problems with changing it here and there.
2. I have looked into many workout plans. Tone It up, Kayla Itsines, Ashy Bines, and a few others. (Love all of these women and programs) I took workouts that I enjoy and plan on doing them through out the week. I have never been able to stick to a 8- week plan or 12- week plan(like many of the plans previously mentioned), but I think if I create my own plan (no number of weeks needed) I will be more successful.
3. I have cut out soda. This is HUGE for me! I am so addicted to soda that I felt it was affecting my life. I had to give it up to see if it changed my mental and physical health (which I'm sure it will). This is an on going plan. No deadline, and no expectations. These are guidelines to help me succeed at maintaining a healthy physical lifestyle.
Goal #4- Stick to healthy meal plan with realistic expectations
Goal #5- Resistance training 2-3 days a week. Cardio 3 days a week. Rest 1-2 day a week.
Goal #6- Stay sober (NO alcohol, NO cigarettes, NO soda)
Relationships
This is one area that I feel really called to focus on this year. I have been in many relationships. They come and they go. Even my relationships with friends and family. They thrive in moments and not in others. This year I am going to bring so much more to the table in my relationships. I plan to have more coffee dates with my sister, write to my brother in Georgia, create more meaningful conversation with my eldest brother, remind my sister-in-law how much she deserves to be loved by others and herself, and take time to get to know my parents better. I will have deeper, meaningful conversations with friends. I will listen and learn from the love of my life. I will help our relationship grow physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. I will also let him take the reins when I know I cannot handle it all on my own. (AKA being less of a control freak). I will take time to create new friendships, and maybe even rekindle past friendships. I am really looking forward to what's in store for this area of my life. I have great feelings of growth and beauty heading my way.
Goal #7- Take time to listen and learn from the people in my life
Goal #8- Make plans with a friend/ family member 3 times a month
Education/ Career
My educational path has been full of dead ends and cliff edges that I have jumped off of. I tend to quit when things get hard. I am determined NOT to do that this year (or ever again). This year I will finish a complete semester of college as a full time student. I will complete all of the steps necessary to make this happen. I will be a good student. I will take notes, do my readings, study, and pass all of my tests. I will maintain focus and see all of the greatness in the things that I learn. Through this I will find a career path that is best for me. At the moment, I am unsure of where I want to go professionally. I am going to become a certified personal trainer and maintain a job in a gym while in school. Whether or not I go to school for physical health is unclear at this moment. But it is something that I enjoy and would really like to make a living doing. However, if I choose to take school in a different direction I can still keep that part of my life active with my job. I do not have to have the same focus on school and my job. I can enjoy multiple subjects and areas of my life.
Goal #9- Complete and pass one semester as a full time student
Goal #10- Become a CPT and maintain a job as a trainer
As you can see, I have thought pretty long and hard about my goals for this year. I hope you can find this system of breaking things down helpful. I will maintain this blog and keep you posted on my progress. Some posts will be just about my physical and mental health, or maybe it will include details on all aspects of my life. Im not 100% sure how I will run it, but one thing is for sure, I will be here with lots of thoughts through out this year.
Happy New Year!
Candidly, Candace
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